oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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