It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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