I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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