i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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