dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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