hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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