the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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