Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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