nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize