Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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