I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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