Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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