i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
