Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
