Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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