If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
