I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm getting married
To pizza
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
