I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Drake has all the answers
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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