Will you blow on my dice?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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