Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
