It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
