Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
