So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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