dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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