if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
