What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
