Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
