also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
