jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
