Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
