Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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