Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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