Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
