Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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