the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
