we have officially lost it.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
