I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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