glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We need to feng shui this bitch.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
