i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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