Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize