I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
