he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
