If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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