Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
