i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Your cock deserves a montage
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize