I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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