Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
there's paper in my vomit.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
