oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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