My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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