Heybabeimwearingurpanties
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
