My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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