for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i drank out of a bidet.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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