I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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