So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
