He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
