My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
