If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
