I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
