He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
