we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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