Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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