I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
