Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm too high and old for this...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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