I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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