Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize