my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
