Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
