i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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