You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
