We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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