Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
