I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
