he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
