we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize