I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
