Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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