He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
someone owes me an orgasm
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
