I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
