the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
stop calling my apartment porn island.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
