Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
