we made out on top of his cat.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I need a burrito and a hug.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
