he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
