I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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