you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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