just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
