dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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