I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
They took my balls.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
