it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
