this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
that's an acceptable place to lick
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
