***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
