did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
