is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
