you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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