Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
