Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
