Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
