How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
