I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
