and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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