So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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