my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
