i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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