I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
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