Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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