I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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