Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
