Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
