Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
