Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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