thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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